What a year! And we’re only two months in.
The first two months were crushing, for the country and for me personally.
My spouse of 28 years sent seismic shockwaves through my life when he walked out of our marriage on Jan. 25.
Just when I think the roller coaster ride is over, someone hits the button on that damn ride. But instead of feeling crushed, I’m crushing it.
I redecorated my bedroom to feel like I’m forest bathing in Ireland. I reclaimed the bathroom by adding spa accents from my grand girls. I turned his old office into a wellness room. A dear friend saged and blessed every room in the house.
I’m learning to celebrate this ride I never wanted to be on, to scream at the top of my lungs, to let go and wave both arms wildly in the air confident I’m held in the palm of Love.
Always was. Always will be.
So many others have been on this path and shared their experience, strength and hope, and their light to guide me through the darkness.
A dear friend just sent me Mary Pipher’s book “Women Rowing North.” Perfect timing as I find myself rowing alone when I thought I had a partner for life. I plan to enjoy this solo journey and release all the sorrow as I paddle.
Even though I am no longer rowing with the love of my life, I am not alone. You’re in nearby lifeboats, surrounding me with love, prayer and support.
And come to think about it, I need to remember that I am the love of my life.
Some days my boat hits white water, other days, it’s smooth sailing. I’m trying to just float and let the River carry me.
You’ve carried me along, especially those who suffered greater losses:
I am sorry to hear this has happened in your life, and your embrace of possibilities is inspiring. I lost my husband to stage 4 lung cancer four months ago, so I related to your words on how weird it is to not have the person there with you. Yet…we move forward and all will be well.
What you said about no longer having a witness to your daily life & someone to talk to about your day, I can so relate. I, too, am often out late at night or early morning in the dark with the dog, seeing what God has to show me.
God bless you in all of the ups & downs as you approach this new season, in partnership with God, and not as a victim.
Yes, my spouse left, but my true Life Partner hasn’t changed.
I heard from dozens who were left:
I too was a ‘Leftee’ 17 years ago when my husband a pastor, left us….my teenage children. It was startling to us and the congregation as he often boasted about our relationship in the pulpit! It is every bit of being ‘torn asunder’; no matter how brave and cavalier we wanna be about the journey or the future!
My support and my heart are with you. I too felt all those emotions when I came home from work to a note that my husband of 29 years had left, saying he had moved out.
Wishing you Godspeed on this new journey. I’m so far down the road, that I can barely remember the detour. I hope you get there, too.
Sorry for what you lost and happy for what you are finding. I found from my own divorce, that we both came up short with each other. The message I used most when others asked me about it, “When it’s time it’s time!”
I’m laughing as I try to resist the urge to write: Time of death? 11 a.m. January 25. Yes, I watch too many medical dramas.
As my friend Dee tells me…find the funny. So I sent her this Facebook post: “I’m in a really good place right now. Not emotionally or spiritually. Just on the couch with my dog.”
You gotta laugh. Heavens knows you cry. Mostly because I feel so broken. But I’m not breaking. I’m breaking through.
I love the words this reader sent: Find your gold.
Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art. Find your gold💛
Someone sent this quote: “When life breaks you, it is because you are ready to be put back together differently. Every piece of you that feels shattered is a piece that will find a new place, a new purpose, a new meaning. Trust that the cracks are where the light gets in. And sometimes, in our brokenness, we find our greatest wholeness. We find the courage to rebuild, to reimagine, to redefine what it means to be strong. You are not broken; you are breaking through.”
Thanks for reminding me to keep hugging myself, to keep glowing, to take it one minute, one day at a time and that God is still in charge -- and has a weird sense of humor.
You keep me hopeful by telling me:
Wonder and beauty await you in this next chapter.
A new door has opened. Wishing you both peace and love.
One step at a time. You never know what the final outcome of this will be.❤
This gem, I keep re-reading:
When life delivers a gut punch I ask myself: Is this the hardest thing I will ever face? I've learned there are needs we must fulfill when those gut punches come. We need moments of quiet reflection. We need ugly crying. We need to release the anger and frustration. We need junk food and candy and yoga breathing. And nature. We need our friends and we need our solitude…You are a survivor. And a badass woman doing another hard thing. Again. You're going to land. Again.
Readers of my book Little Detours and Spiritual Adventures are rubbing my nose in hope:
This detour may well lead to the best road of your journey.
You are still writing the story with God’s help…and you’re both great writers.
Who could leave amazing you? Sounds like it was time for a new beginning.
Your new door has opened. Celebrate well.
And about that door… this email makes me smile so much it hurts my face:
I keep thinking of this little sign my manicurist has on her feel-good vision board that I always see when she does my nails---it reads: If they want to leave--hold the door open for them!
When you hold the door open for those who don't want to be in your life, you really are being brave enough to open more doors for yourself---doors of opportunity, to possibly pursuing those unfulfilled dreams, newfound joys and experiences, people who appreciate your light and ALL ways that it shines.
And finally, there’s Mack. I get to keep our goofy golden doodle. He’s my BFFF – Best Furry Friend Forever.
And we all know what DOG spelled backwards is, so I’m good.
Regina, you are a rock star. Godspeed on this journey
Thank you for sharing your strength and courage. This feels valuable…in so many ways❤️🩹