Pause to empower your life

12 places to pause to be more present

The most powerful gift I give myself and everyone else in my life is the power of the pause.

The shortcut to serenity is to pause often. I meditate every morning, but by noon my serenity has said sayonara. So I create pause points during my day to simply be more present. When you pause, you practice the presence of God, of Grace, of Love, of Peace.

A simple pause increases the space between stimulus and response, between what happens and what I say or do about what happens. Imagine how much kinder the world would be if we all paused before we spoke, posted or reacted.

Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wrote one of the most powerful books I’ve ever read. In “Man’s Search for Meaning” he wrote: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

My job is to expand that space by pausing.

It doesn’t take a lot of time. Mere seconds.

Here are 12 places to pause to empower your being:

Pause before getting out of bed.

I always pause, take a deep breath and give thanks for another day of life. Every single day. Every day is a do-over, a clean slate, a chance to love life unconditionally. After having cancer and going through surgery, chemo and radiation to save my life back in 1998, I don’t take a single day of life for granted. And I don’t hold any grudges against yesterday or throw doom and gloom and dread on tomorrow. Cancer reminded me that we all have an expiration date. We don’t know when it is, so don’t waste today.

Pause between bites.

I try to be more mindful when I eat. I try to eat clean, to eat food that came directly from the Earth. Pausing gives me pause about eating processed food that came from a factory. Pausing gives me space to choose better. It’s harder to overeat or to eat poorly when you eat mindfully, when you pause and set down your fork between bites or before you add more food to your plate. My parents taught me to say grace before eating, to pause and give thanks for what I am about to eat. I try to extend gratitude to all who prepared the food, from the farmer who planted it to the person who harvested it to the trucker who moved it to the grocer who sold it to the person who plated it.

Pause before driving.

Before getting behind the wheel of my Subaru Forester, I pause to center myself. I’m getting ready to drive a vehicle that weighs more than 3,000 pounds. My job is to drive safely, not to call my sister or check text messages at the next stop sign. Everyone on the road needs me to put my phone away and be fully present.

Pause before getting on a plane, train, bus or subway.

Just as I’m entering the door of an airplane, I place my hand on the metal of that bird long enough to draw a small cross on the airplane. In that brief moment I remind myself Who is really in charge of the flight. I’m about to put my life in someone else’s hands, so I claim God as the pilot. As I buckle my seat belt, I pause and pray, “Get me there safely or take me Home quickly.” Then I completely surrender the flight, relax and enjoy the ride.

Pause before speaking.

To everyone. Pause to ask, Does this need to be said? Does it need to be said by me? Does it need to be said right now? If the answer is no, pause and stay silent.

My friend Jill taught me to W.A.I.T., to ask myself, Why Am I Talking? Or Why Am I Texting? Sometimes waiting is the best option until our better angels can get in control of our words and actions.

Pause to breathe.

Give yourself time to absorb whatever daily shocks come your way. When the nursing home called at 4:35 a.m. to say my mom had died, I didn’t rush out of bed to run there. I paused for a moment to pray, to breathe, to bring my best self to go and be with her and the staff as we all dealt with all the details of death.

Pause to listen to others.

Too often I’m busy thinking of my response when the person in front of me is still talking. I haven’t even been present to their pain or joy or pure presence. I can’t learn anything while I’m the one talking.

Pause and listen to your body.

What is that sore back telling you? To stop carrying the weight of the world? What is that aching shoulder screaming? To stop leaning into everyone else’s problems?

Listen to those aches and pains. What are they trying to tell you? Ask your body. Years ago I had terrible back pain. I finally paused for a long time in prayer, got quiet, and asked, “Back, what are you trying to tell me?” In the stillness I heard, “Stop trying to save everyone.” I surrendered by SuperWoman cape and only then did my back completely heal.

Pause to hear the music of life.

It isn’t just on Spotify. Life offers an amazing playlist every day. The children arguing in the next room. The dog barking to go out. The crackle of hash browns on the stove. The creak of the steps. The cursing blue jay. The patter of rain. The beating of your own precious heart. It’s all music.

Pause before posting.

Before you post anything on Facebook, Instagram or TikTok, ask yourself:

Is it kind? Is it true? Is it helpful?

Does this reflect my highest, best self?

Is this truly worthy of my time and energy and theirs?

Pause in times of doubt or indecision.

My friends in recovery taught me the power of the pause with these words from their book “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.”

“In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say, ‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.’”

It’s the 9-1-1 of prayers.

Pause before drifting off to sleep.

Every night before bed, I take the dog out for one last potty and we stand under the stars. I used to rush him. Now we take our time so I scan the sky for the moon. I say hello to Mars and Jupiter and feel my feet standing on this grand planet we call home. I pause and ground to really feel planet Earth under my feet and smile at the quote above by English poet Sarah Williams. Yes, I do love these stars too fondly to be afraid of the night.

It makes me giddy to realize the force of gravity is holding me onto a planet that is spinning through space in a universe that goes on forever. Forever! Kind of puts everything in perspective, doesn’t it?

Then I climb into bed and give thanks for another day of life, so grateful for the one that just ended.