Life offers the best commencement advice

Every detour is a spiritual adventure

Commencement season is about to commence.

It’s that time of year where speakers at every high school and college in the country attempt to be profound. Has it all been said already?

March to the beat of a different drummer. Take the road less traveled. Wear sunscreen.

If you or someone you love is graduating from college, high school or trade school, advice will soon hit like a tsunami. I’m getting ahead of the flow and offering what has worked for me.

Dear graduate,

Congratulations!

Now you get to begin that bold beautiful life that will always be under construction because you never graduate from life. Every detour life gave me took me somewhere better than anywhere I planned to go. I call them spiritual adventures.

So…

Love what you do. Love who you do it for.

I wrote that on a sticky note taped to my computer. Love what you do. Even if it isn’t what you like at first. Love it anyway. It will lead you to something you love more.

Love is a great compass. It always points to True North, to what you alone were designed to be and to give in this lifetime. Others might have greater talents or more money and privilege, but no one, no one, has your heart and all that passion you need to release into this world that so desperately needs you.

Every ‘no’ is simply a detour to your perfect YES!

If the road before you seems to end, pause and ask for direction for the next right step. Maybe you need to zig instead of zag and create your own path.

It took me 12 years to get a 4-year degree. My first major was biology. Then I flunked chemistry, so I switched to botany. Then I got a “D” in zoology, so I switched to conservation. Then I got pregnant at 21 and dropped out of school. When I returned six years later, I changed my major three more times and finally graduated with a journalism degree from Kent State University at age 30. I’ve been paying the rent by writing ever since.

Life isn’t about competition, it’s about completion.

Every time I walk in a bookstore, I wonder why I bother to write. There are so many better writers. I have to remind myself that it’s all been said before, but, Regina, it hasn’t been said by you.

You are here to complete your life. No one else on the planet has your specific mission. You have your own spiritual assignment that no one else has. Find it and follow it. You will know it by an inner joy that no one can take from you.

Life flows forward. Follow the flow.

I keep a greeting card with this quote by Marcia Wallace on my desk that reads, “Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.” If your life is lived in the rearview mirror of regrets, you’ll get nowhere.

Be water, my friend. I keep that Bruce Lee quote on another sticky note. Everything you want is downstream. You can’t force the river to flow the other way. Jump in and flow forward. You’ll move along much faster in life going with the flow.

Bring fear along for the ride.

Do what scares you. “Use your fear; it can take you to the place you store your courage,” Amelia Earhart said.

I’ve been afraid almost every time I sit down to write, and I’ve been writing professionally for 39 years. The fear doesn’t leave. I just invite it to come along for the ride. What if I’m not good enough? So what. The goal is completion not perfection. What if I get in trouble? Just make sure it’s good trouble, as John Lewis taught.

Have a great life. Or not. It’s up to you.

There’s a photo I saw on Facebook with a giant mirror with these words posted above: Meet the person responsible for your happiness, reputation, accomplishments, attitude, choices.

My grandson’s principal offers his students this clarity every morning with the daily announcements: “Have a great day. Or not. It’s up to you.”

Don’t lose your wild.

Don’t live so carefully and perfectly. Don’t become someone else’s tidy version of you.

Life isn’t one big self-improvement course. You don’t have to keep creating new improved versions of yourself. Love your one, wild precious self. The world needs your wild.

Listen to the tug on your heart.

Inside you live all your answers. Go there first. Take quiet time every day. Five minutes. Silence the noise of your parents and friends and teachers and TikTok and anyone who ever told you that you aren’t worthy. You were born worthy.

In the quiet ask, “Soul, what would you have me do here?” Or, “Soul, what do I need to know today?” The answers are within. Go there.

Make a beautiful mess of your life.

And don’t get a bad perm, like I did in my graduation photo above back in 1986.

I blew up college. Got pregnant at 21. Dropped out of school. Changed my major six times. Took me 12 years to get a four-year degree. Graduated when my daughter was 8 and ended up in a career better than anything I had planned. It helped me buy us a small house and support her as a single mom for 18 years.

The magic of life is tucked in the mess of it. Make all the plans you want, but life has better plans. Get messy. Get dirty. Get busy living creating a life you love out of the life you have.

Be kind.

My friend Don signs every email with this quote by J. M. Barry: “Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”

Kindness costs nothing. It means everything.

The world has a zillion successful people. What it needs is more kindness.

Congratulations!

That’s where you come in.