12 questions for the New Year

Instead of resolutions, ask yourself the right questions

The odometer is about to change to 2025 and we’ll soon make all kinds of resolutions we don’t intend to keep.

By February, we’ll skip the gym, eat the donuts and opt out of yoga.

Instead of resolutions for an entire year, how about giving yourself a few simple questions to ask yourself through the year to stay on course?

Too often we pride ourselves on having the answers, when having the questions might be more valuable. Albert Einstein once said, “If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on the solution, I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask, for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than five minutes.”

Here are 12 questions to ask yourself in 2025. I use them often to reboot and reframe my life to focus on what truly matters:

1. If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?

Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, asked himself that question every day. If the answer was “no” too often, it was time to do something else.

I taped that question inside my medicine cabinet. It’s been there for years. I ask myself that question every morning when I take out my toothbrush. When I brush at night, I see it again and smile because I lived my “Yes!”

2. Do you want to be happy?

As soon as I start to feel irritable, restless, cranky or sad, I pause and ask myself, “Regina, do you want to be happy?” Sometimes the answer is no. I want to pout and complain or whine and wallow in sadness. But once I ask that question, I know I’m actively choosing to be unhappy. Why would I do that? Why would anyone? So I stop. Or I give myself a time limit: You can have a pity party for five minutes. That’s it. That’s always more than enough.

3. What part of me is disturbed by this?

My friends in recovery taught me that anytime I’m emotionally upset by anything, the problem is me. I’ve learned to pause and see what button inside of me just got hit. If I didn’t have any buttons, no one could press them. My job is to dismantle my own buttons. Then I can choose a response instead of reacting. My mantra? Bless them, change me.

4. What can I bring to the occasion?

Instead of thinking what you will get out of this event, job or situation, focus on what you can bring to it. It might be food or a gift or simply a better attitude. Michael Singer taught me this: Serve the moment in front of you in the highest way possible, so this moment is better off because it passed before you.

5. What can I learn from this?

Everything that happens is our teacher. Cardiologist Terry Gordon wrote in his book “No Storm Lasts Forever” that when his son was left paralyzed from an accident, Terry heard an inner voice say, “Treat this as if you chose it.” The gift? He treasures every moment with his son. That way you are never a victim of life, just a participant. An active one.

6. What would someone who loved themselves do?

I saw this in a blog post by Teal Swan. If you ask yourself this question every day, you’ll get an answer from somewhere deep inside. In time, she wrote, it creates a new way of being where you “live your life in alignment with self-love.” Imagine if we all did that. If we truly, deeply loved ourselves, the entire world would benefit. If you need some help, crank up Miley Cyrus and belt out, “I can love me better than you can.” Then go do it.

7. What is the kindest thing to do right now?

To the telemarketer. To the server who forgot your coffee. To the neighbor whose barking dog keeps you awake. To your dad with dementia who is often angry. Just be kind. It’s not even that hard to do. My friend Don constantly reminds me in his email sign off, Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

8. Where am I on my own calendar?

If you’re like me, you still buy a paper calendar every year. If you’re like me, you put in ink everything you have to do for others. If you’re like me, you are nowhere on your own calendar. Or if you are, it’s in pencil and always negotiable. Go get your new calendar and put you in it -- a hike, a massage, a nap, a play date with friends – and do it in ink.

9. What am I grateful for right now?

Decades ago I met an old Amish man in recovery who always prayed for a “grateful, humble heart.” Mose Yoder used to challenge me by asking, “How grateful are you?” Not grateful enough for this amazing life I’ve been given.

10. If this situation never changed, what quality would you need to develop to bear it with grace?

My friend Beth taught me that one. The solution isn’t to force our will against life, but to grow when challenged. What quality is life calling me to develop right here, right now? When life get’s “lifey” how is it challenging me to grow? What qualities do I need to grow in me?

11. How can I be of help?

Instead of doing what makes you feel good when helping others, ask, How can I be of help? The other person might not want what it is you want to offer. If they don’t tell you what they need, offer three things you can do and let them choose which.

Finally, at the end of every day, ask yourself this:

12. Did you love?

That’s the measure of a good day and a good life.

Way back in 1981, Father Joe Zubricky at the Jesuit Retreat Center in Parma, Ohio, gave me the secret of life. He put to rest all my arm wrestling a bogeyman God who demanded perfection from us all. Joe shared his God, a God of joy who loves us as is, always. Joe’s God followed me home from the retreat house.

That weekend I had cornered Joe and bombarded him with questions: Was there a real heaven? Hell? Purgatory? How do I know what God’s will is for me?

His eyes lit up with love as he gently answered all my questions with one of his own. Joe told me there was only one question God would ask us at the end of our lives. Just one:

Did you love?

If the answer is yes at the end of every day, the answer will be yes at the end of your life.

Did you love?

If the answer is no today, you have the great gift that every new year offers.

Another day to answer yes.